I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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