How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
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Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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