How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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