Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
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Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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