I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize