Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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