M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
