Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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