i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
