so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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