I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
