You can't motorboat a personality
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
