Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
