and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
