but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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