I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
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I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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