dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
