2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
