i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
