on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
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Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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