You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
