Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
