I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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