fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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