I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize