Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he thought i was a dude.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
