My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
