Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
