Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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