no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
