Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you still have your period?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
