WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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