I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
