YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
