i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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