chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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