so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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