"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
