So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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