I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
