My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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