i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
