kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's always time for handjobs
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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