First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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