I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
