The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
