Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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