Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
