$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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