Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
