i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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