PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
