bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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