The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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