the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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