I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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