i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
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All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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