Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
