I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
