just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
