she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
