and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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